


Rox

by SneetchesToo



Series: Start Again [2]
Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: F/M, Pre-Relationship, Season 3 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-11 15:14:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15318279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SneetchesToo/pseuds/SneetchesToo
Summary: The five times Ethan wakes up and Rox isn’t there.And the one time she is.*Companion piece to “Ethan”.*





	1. Alone

**Author's Note:**

> *After watching 3.12 I couldn’t help myself. This had to be done.  
> **Spoilers for 3.11 and 3.12  
> ***There will be a sequel in good time :)

Ethan woke up expecting the past 24 hours to have been some horrible nightmare. Hell, at this point, he was praying the past week had all been a bad dream. One that he couldn’t wait to wake up from.

He knew he was going to snap eventually. The pressure of Angels. The ride alongs with Rox. The presence of his dad who all of a sudden wanted back into his life. He knew it would all lead to chaos and destruction eventually.

He hadn’t expected it to end like this though.

He hadn’t expected that almost losing Rox would lead to him finally cracking.

“Rox.” He whispered her name softly, his eyes working to focus on his surroundings.

He wasn’t by her bedside anymore though. No, instead he was behind bars. In a psych hold. Because some douche bag with a star on his shoulder thought he knew what was best for Rox. What was best for him.

That guy didn’t know a damn thing.

“Rox.” He said her name a little louder this time, his aching body pushing its way into a sitting position.

He heard a soft chuckle from within the confines of his cell and he rolled his eyes. He knew that chuckle. Knew it better than anyone. And he let out a sigh.

“What the hell do you want Robert?” He knew he had officially lost it. Seeing his dead brother sitting across from him was surely the final straw in his mental well-being.

He had thought the kid looked familiar when he had showed up 24 hours ago. And then he had followed him around like a lost puppy. He thought it was odd that no one else seemed to acknowledge his existence.

“Thought you didn’t love her?” The kid had a cocky smile plastered on his face and Ethan wanted to wipe the smirk away.

“I don’t.” He didn’t know who he was trying to convince. He knew damn well that he loved that woman more than he had ever loved anyone. But he didn’t need the whole world to know it.

Especially when she surely didn’t return the feeling.

“Liar.” Robert’s voice sounded so real and he wanted to believe that his brother was actually with him. More than anything, he wanted the kid back in his life.

“Where is she?” Like he expected the man to have any answers.

“Still in her room.” He let out a breath of relief. He was afraid they would move her somewhere else. Somewhere that he wouldn’t be able to get a hold of her.

“Is she awake?” Again, he didn’t know why he was talking to a ghost. He surely needed to be evaluated at this point.

“Don’t know.” Robert shrugged his shoulders, raising an eyebrow in his direction. “I’m a figment of your imagination brother. Not hers.”

“I need to know if she’s okay.” He choked out. His throat was on fire and he could feel tears in his eyes. He didn’t want to fall apart. Not here. Not with all eyes on him. Not while in uniform and under the Army’s watchful glare.

“I’m sure she is dude.” He hadn’t missed Robert’s sarcasm. “She seems like a tough girl.”

Rox was the definition of tough. Of that he was sure. If she had made it this far she could make it through anything.

“She’s the toughest.” He didn’t need to justify the woman to anyone. Especially not his dead brother.

“You’re in love E. Face it.” He rolled his eyes once more. For someone who was a figment of his imagination he felt awfully real. And so did this conversation.

“I’m not in love Robbie.” He leaned his head back against the cool metal of the bars, his eyes closing as he tried his best to hold back the tears he felt threatening to fall.

He wasn’t in love with her. Was he? He knew he loved her. But loving her, and being in love with her, were two totally different things.

“Liar.” His brother’s voice was barely a whisper and he opened his eyes to glare at him.

Except when he opened them. His brother was gone. Instead, he was alone, yet again.

“I’m so sorry Rox.” He whispered to himself.

He felt his eyes growing heavy as he finally let the tears fall down his cheeks. He knew how badly she must be feeling right now. If she was even awake. He wanted nothing more than to hold her tightly in his arms and kiss away her pain.

“I’m so sorry.” He sobbed out. He felt himself starting to fade off again. The room starting to spin around him as he forced his body to lay down. He wrapped his arms around himself tightly. Praying that he would be with her again soon.


	2. Emo

A few hours had gone by. But to Ethan, it felt like a few days.

He was tired of sitting in silence. He was tired of staring at his hands. He just wanted to get the hell out of here and back to Rox’s side.

“She loves you too you know.” The voice that had been haunting his dreams had all of a sudden taken on a very feminine tone.

“She doesn’t.” There was no way that Rox could ever love him back. Not after what he had done to her. He had pushed her away. He had broken her heart and shattered her soul and he would never forgive himself.

“She does.” The voice moved closer and he forced his eyes shut even tighter. Surely he was hearing things.

“Rox?” He must have been hallucinating because he could have sworn that the woman moving toward him was the object of his affection.

“Close.” The voice revealed itself and he let out a sigh at the woman on the other side of the bars.

Emo. He should have known the woman would make it to Rox’s side eventually.

“What are you doing down here?” He huffed out. He opened his eyes, locking them on the same spot on the ceiling that he had been staring at a few hours ago. “You should be with her.”

“She’s sleeping.” The older woman’s voice was soft and he swallowed back a sob.

“Thank God for that.” He whispered.

He felt his heart clench in his chest. He needed to see her. So much so that it was killing him. He knew that Emo would understand his plight. That she understood his feelings for the woman. Surely she would help him.

“I need to see her.” He sobbed out.

“I know.” Her words made him shiver.

“You don’t understand.” He watched as she moved even closer. Her hands resting on the bars as she eyed him softly. “I...”

“I know Ethan.” He wondered if she really did know. If it was even possible that anyone knew how much he loved her. “And she knows too.”

He chuckled. A sad, pathetic, loopy chuckle. There was no way that Rox understood. She probably thought he hated her. He had left her all alone after all.

“Is she okay?” He just needed to be with her. Why was that too much to ask?

“She’s missing you.” Emo whispered, her eyes soft as he looked up at her finally.

“Tell her I’m sorry.” He couldn’t breathe. He felt like his lungs were closing up, like his body was going to shut down on him at any minute.

“She knows you’re trying to get to her.” He hoped she knew that he hadn’t left her on purpose. “She knows you need her too.”

“I...” He closed his eyes then. His head fell back against the pillow. He choked back a sob. “I need her to be okay.”

“She is Ethan.” Emo whispered. “Now you take care of yourself and we’ll take care of her.”

“Thank you.” He whispered back. He felt his body giving back in to sleep and he sank back against the incredibly uncomfortable mattress with a sigh.

The only thing he saw when he closed his eyes was her. And he was hellbent and determined to get back to her as soon as he could.


	3. Will Campbell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I accidentally switched chapters 2/3

The next time Ethan came to he could instantly tell that there was someone else in the room with him. And this time, he guessed that it wasn’t his dead brother’s ghost.

“Rox?” He didn’t know why he asked for her. Clearly he was still behind bars. And clearly, well, clearly she wasn’t.

“Not even close.” The familiar voice shook him from his thoughts and he shot into a sitting position.

Will Campbell was here. Clearly nothing good could come from this.

“What do you want Will?” He didn’t need this man to see him like this. He already thought he was cracked enough.

“A General Cohn called me.” Ethan sighed. That bastard. “Said you were a little, off…”

“Fucker.” Ethan dragged his hands over his face. He wondered how long he had been here. He just wanted to get out. 

He wanted to go find Rox and hold her in his arms and tell her that he loved her. He didn’t need all this drama in his life. He just wanted to go get his girl and go home.

“My thoughts exactly.” Campbell let out a chuckle and Ethan shook his head.

“Get me out of here.” He knew Campbell had absolutely no power whatsoever. Why he asked for his help he didn’t understand.

“No can do.” The other man moved closer, his hands gripping the bars gently as he eyed him from the other side.

“I need to get to Rox.” He whispered. The last person he wanted to be vulnerable in front of was Will Campbell. The director of the ER. The chief of surgery. The man with no emotions.

“She’s resting Ethan.” He snapped his eyes toward him. He hated that this man had gotten to see Rox. His Rox. And yet he was trapped here.

“She’s awake?” He jumped to his feet. 

If she was awake she would need him. Desperately. He just knew it.

“She’s in and out of it.” Will’s voice was calm. Reassuring almost. 

Ethan didn’t know what to make of it. He had never seen this side of the man before. He was used to him yelling and barking orders and telling Ethan off. He was never one to be concerned about others.

“Is she okay?” He just needed to know that she was alright. That she was breathing and alive and that she was hanging on for him.

“She’s asking for you.” The words were a stab through the heart. She needed him. And he wasn’t there. He had failed her.

“I need to see her.” He choked out. He could feel the tears threatening to fall. He could almost hear his brother’s words in the back of his head. He was so in love with her and it was killing him.

“We’re working on getting you out.” Ethan wondered who the hell ‘we’ was. Because right now all he saw was Campbell. And he sure as hell didn’t look like he was fighting to get him out.

Hell, the man probably enjoyed seeing him behind bars. 

“Will, please.” He was begging now. He didn’t care anymore. His heart was breaking in his chest. He needed her. “You have to help me out.”

“We’re trying Ethan.” He reached forward and patted his arm gently. 

“Is she alone?” He just prayed that she wasn’t awake, and alone. That she wasn’t hurting.

“Her aunt is with her.” He let out a breath.

“Thank God.” He couldn’t contain his tears any longer and they fell down his face freely. He felt his hands starting to shake.

“I’m gonna go check on her.” And with that the other man was gone. And Ethan was left alone with his thoughts once more.


	4. Noa Kean

When Ethan’s body finally decided to join the real world once more it was dark in his cell. He knew that he was in the basement, but damn, it was eerily dark.

He sighed. He could make out the sounds of thunder despite being underground.

Rox. His poor Rox. She was all alone and it was storming. She had to be terrified.

She had once confided in him how much she hated storms. How they made her think of her childhood and her parents arguing and hiding in her closet to get away from the sounds.

He had confided back that he knew exactly what that felt like. He had promised her that he would always be there for her when it stormed. No matter what.

Except now. Now, he wasn’t. And he felt horrible about it.

“I’m so sorry Rox.” He whispered into the darkness. He knew she couldn’t hear him, that his apologies were for his benefit alone.

“She knows Ethan.” That voice. He knew that voice.

“Noa?” He sat up from his spot on the shitty bed. He tried to scan the darkness of the space, his eyes searching for the red head.

“Yeah Ethan.” She whispered. He could barely make out her figure as it pushed itself off the wall. “It’s me.”

“What in God’s name are you doing here?” Noa was his only friend at this point. At least, that’s surely how it felt these days. He didn’t feel like he had much support from elsewhere.

“Came to check on you.” Her voice was soft. Surely she had other more important things to worry about.

“Why?” He loved the girl like a little sister. But he never understood why she had his back the way she did.

“Because Campbell said you could use a friend.” She whispered.

A friend? He knew someone else who needed a friend. Someone who was probably laying awake upstairs crying herself to sleep while a storm raged on outside.

“Thanks.” He choked out. “I think.”

“What happened Ethan?” Her question was quiet and he let out a breath.

He didn’t want to let her in on this. He didn’t want to confide in her. He had been seeing his dead brother’s ghost for a good 36 hours now. Surely he was losing his mind. He didn’t need Noa to feel sorry for him too.

“I just need Rox to be okay.” He choked out. He hoped that answer would suffice.

“She’s fine Ethan.” She whispered back. “What’s up with you though?”

“I’m tired.” He let his head fall back against the bars as he let out a huff. He was tired. Beyond tired. His whole body ached and his whole soul was broken. He was a shell of the man he had once been.

“Amongst other things?” Her soft voice echoed through the cell.

“Amongst other things.” He echoed back at her.

“Ethan.” He felt like he was under a microscope and he hated it.

“Noa.” It felt weird to have the girl eyeing him like this. She wasn’t judging him, rather, she was trying to examine him.

“She needs you to be okay.” She whispered.

He let out a huff. If only she knew.

“I need her to be okay too.” He couldn’t believe he was telling Noa these things. He’d never told anyone these things before.

“She loves you.” He blinked. She what?

“Excuse me?” He felt his breath catch in his chest. He couldn’t believe this. How the hell did Noa know this?

“She loves you.” She whispered.

“She tell you that?” He closed his eyes as he let his head fall against the mattress.

“She didn’t have too.” Noa’s words were soft. So soft that he almost didn’t hear them. “A woman knows.”

“Ah.” So it was a woman’s intuition thing? Riiiight.

“She does Ethan.” He wished he could believe the girl. He wished that Rox was his to love.

He just wanted to get the fuck out of this damn cell and get her home. He wanted to take her to bed and make love to her and tell her how much he couldn’t live without her. He wanted to hold her all night and kiss every inch of her skin. He wanted to make her his and he never wanted to let her go.

“I don’t know what to do kid.” He whispered.

“Get some rest Ethan.” She said softly. He let out a sigh. He felt like all he did was sleep. “You’ll be out of here soon.”

“Thank you Noa.” He couldn’t imagine why the girl was here or what had made her want to be here, but he was thankful for her.

“You’re welcome.” And then he heard the heavy door close behind her and he let out a sob.

He was alone. Again. And all he wanted was to be with Rox. Again.


	5. Dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Ethan’s dad to the rescue yet again!

Ethan awoke again to the sound of the big door opening and closing. He let out a huff.

He just wanted to be alone. 

“Rox.” He didn’t even feel himself whisper the word. He didn’t know where it came from.

Except he did.

He had been dreaming of her. Of them. Together. They were in his bed. Tangled together under the sheets. Her hands were in his hair. His lips on her bare skin. The sound of rain hitting the bedroom window setting the tone for what was surely going to be an amazing night.

He shook his head.

It was just a dream. A fucking dream and nothing more.

He hated this damn cell with every fiber of his being.

“You alright there son?” His father’s voice broke the silence and he shot up from his spot on the small cot.

“Dad?” He couldn’t believe his father was here. The last time he’d seen him he was telling him how he pretty much wished he was dead. 

“Pretty sure I’m the only one who calls you son.” He was surprised by how gentle his father’s voice was. He expected yelling and cussing and things being thrown.

His father wasn’t one for sympathy.

“Why are you here?” He let out a sigh as he dropped his head to his hands.

“Got a call that you needed help.” He heard the older man take a few steps closer and he did his best to will him away.

“I’m fine.” He huffed out.

And he’d be even better if he could just get back to Rox’s side. Where he belonged.

“Clearly.” Ethan brought his head up at his father’s statement. He was one to judge him.

“I need to get to Rox.” He whispered after a minute.

He knew right then and there that he was an emotional mess. He’d never have dreamt of saying something like that to his father two weeks ago.

“I know son.” His father’s reply surprised him. 

He wondered sometimes how much his father really knew. He was a pretty obvious guy and his thoughts and feelings were often shared with those around him. But for some reason, Ethan got the feeling that he was holding back when it came to Rox.

“She’s probably terrified.” He whispered. He felt his heart breaking in his chest. He just wanted her in his arms.

“Her aunt and Noa are with her.” He guessed that his words were supposed to make him feel better, but they didn’t.

“It should be me.” He felt his voice crack. “She’s scared of storms.”

“I’m sure they’re taking care of her son.” He stood then, marching his way to the front of his cell. His father was closer than he expected and he did a double take at the sadness in his eyes.

“You don’t get it dad.” He wanted to tell the older man that he would never understand because he didn’t know how much he loved that woman. How much he needed her. How much he cared about her.

“I do Ethan.” And then his father’s hand was on his and his eyes were soft and full of a recognition that he had never seen before. “You love her.”

“I don’t...” He didn’t know why he felt like he needed to lie to everyone about this. Clearly he was fooling no one.

“Yes you do Ethan.” He patted his hand softly before withdrawing his arm from the cell and eyeing him softly. “And she loves you.”

“Bullshit.” He whispered. 

She would never love him the way he loved her. Not after what he had done to her. He needed her though. He needed her to make him whole again.

“You can tell yourself whatever you want son.” His dad took a few steps back then, moving him back toward the big door. “But the sooner you both come to realize how you feel, the sooner you can finally be together.”

Ethan let out a sigh as he watched his dad walk back through the way he had just come. He couldn’t believe how incredibly right his father was about him. He loved her. With every ounce of his heart and soul. With every inch of his well being. He loved her.

And he needed to get to her as soon as possible.


	6. Roxane

Ethan had never been so glad to get out of a damn cell in his life. He had also never been so damn glad to see his father in his life. He had thanked the man before taking off down the hall in a full on sprint.

He had only one destination in mind.

Rox.

And no one was going to get in his way.

He stopped when he got to her room, his eyes scanning the small space slowly. The room was empty. The lights still off and the curtains still drawn close.

He wondered if she was still asleep.

“Rox?” He whispered her name, but he got no response.

He took a few steps into the room, his eyes settling on her still body.

“Rox?” She didn’t respond. Instead he noticed the steady rise and fall of her chest.

She was asleep. He was both thankful and regretful. He wanted to hold her. To kiss her and tell her he loved her. But he was glad that she was sleeping through the worst of the storm that was raging outside.

He heard his father’s voice booming down the hallway. Ordering the guard away from the door and the nurses to stop being nosy. He turned just in time to see the older man pull the door shut behind him.

He let out a sigh.

Alone with her at last.

He moved himself closer to the bed and reached out for her hand.

“I’m here Rox.” He whispered, squeezing her hand softly. “I’m here.”

No response. Instead the room remained silent.

He stood there for a few minutes, holding her hand tightly in his, his eyes scanning her features to make sure she was okay.

Then he heard it. A loud clap of thunder followed by another. And she let out a whimper in her sleep that broke his heart in two.

“Roxy, it’s okay.” He whispered, moving himself directly next to her.

She let out another whimper and he wanted to punch that idiot General in the face for taking him away from her.

Rules and regulations be damned. His girl needed him and he wasn’t about to let her suffer anymore.

So he did the only thing he could think of. He toed off his boots and crawled in next to her.

He didn’t care who saw them like this. He didn’t care if he got written every citation in the damn book.

Rox let out another whimper and he pulled her closer, sliding his left arm under her shoulders gently. He pulled the cover over himself with his free hand, tucking it around their bodies softly. She seemed to relax some then, as his hand moved to her face.

He cupped her cheek gently as he let his thumb rub over her soft skin. He had dreamed of being able to touch her like this for so long. It almost felt like a dream still.

“Ethan.” He heard his name leave her lips and he almost lost control of himself. He needed her to wake up and talk to him.

But he realized that she was still asleep and he dropped his head to rest against hers on the pillow, his fingers tangling gently in her hair as he sighed.

“Shhh baby.” He tried to soothe her restless soul as best he could. “I’m here.”

He felt her body relax under his touch, her head tilting softly toward his in her sleep. She let out another soft whimper when another crash of thunder shook the room, and he just tugged her closer.

“I got you sweetheart.” He whispered. He pressed his lips against her ear softly. Leaving a trail of kisses along her hairline. He felt his body finally starting to relax as well and he settled himself into the mattress as he ran his fingers down her neck softly, his eyes closing as he laid his forehead against her temple. “I got you and I’m never letting you go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Don’t forget to comment guys! I wanna write a sequel but I don’t know if anyone is even reading this so I don’t know if I should continue! Let me know what you guys think!**

**Author's Note:**

> *Don’t forget to comment :)


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